I've mixed shows where the PA with only vocals on it could hardly keep up with the dumkit in the room. I'm talking 120dbA here, room for 150 people. No acoustic treatment, often not even half full. Hardcore drummers with a Snare drum forged on Mt. Doom.
I don't mind a little stage bleed in mid-sized venues, as it usually just results in a 1-4khz boost in the cymbal range. That's what we can bring cympads for if it gets out of hand, but at some point it's just too much. It's all about optimizing the sound at the FOH and you have to find the right balance.
And if you have issues playing a little less loud (ofc I wouldn't expect anyone to reduce his Metal drumming to conversation volume) you just need to practice more. I've been playing the drums in an Orchestra for 15 years now, that's where you really learn to control your dynamics. On the other side I'm also playing live shows with my Deathcore band and mix engineers often wonder why I'm playing so quietly heh.
The 100dbA I was talking about was during the songs with 3s average. Long term average over an entire show (Swiss, Z7, 1200 guests, huge venue) was 95dbA. It was a Punk show, so pretty low crest factor stuff. I was told to stay under 100dbA long term average and was a little intimidated by the main guy telling me that he'd turn the PA off if I exceeded that. He turned out to be a really nice guy thou and told me a story where some guy started a show with 10 minutes of 120dbA average and he just shut the entire thing down. Some people really seem to lose their mind on the mixing desk.
A friend recently had problems with loudness measurements at an outdoor event, where he saw the volume exceeding 120db periodically in the logs and they just couldn't figure out what happened. After some investigation it turned out to be freight trains passing by. Great choice of mic placement